so...this is the only place i can talk about this right now, since none of my friends knows this exists.


my boyfriend is in china. and he has a lot of things wrong mentally. and they're not getting better while he's there. he's just doing so poorly. and he's been drinking more and now he's on valium, which is helping a little...but he's still not great.

and i feel so selfish for feeling this way, but he called a friend of ours the other day for her birthday, and he keeps writing these long LJ posts, but he hasn't emailed me in a really long time. like, i've emailed him, but no response. and dammit, that hurts. and i'm angry at him. i feel like he's trying to shut me out, but i don't understand why. ugh...